I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
