I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
