wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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