this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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