Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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