If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
