she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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