So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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