I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
