I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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