You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
