I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
