There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
