I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
