I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
