His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
