Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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