he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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