Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
