dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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