Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
