All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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