The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
