I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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