mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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