I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize