I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
