Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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