I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
