I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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