my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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