Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
