it wasn't lemon gatorade
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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