so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Someone shattered a urinal.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
