i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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