idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i love accidental penises.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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