New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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