I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
