I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
this hospital has no fireball
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
