I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
