I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
