I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
