as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
