sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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