sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
