i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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