and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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