if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
