My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish you could order shots online.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
