atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize