um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
