I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
