You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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