That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
