my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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