She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
