wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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