hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
