New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
