Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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