That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
