I want to walk on stilts...naked
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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