is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
