this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
