Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
